I just feel like…dis tew much.
Is it just me? Or is this adulting stuff just entirely too much at times.
So I recently had a life experience which caused me to shift my perspective and think of everything in “the bigger picture.” Thinking of the bigger picture used to be reassuring for someone like me who often sacrificed instant gratification for the thought of some big reward that would inevitably come later. But the problem with ALWAYS looking at the bigger picture is that I would tend to neglect my current emotions and well-being thinking that I’l be alright eventually, I’ll be ok later, it will all work out in the end.
But I found myself getting overwhelmed and asking myself, when is later? When is eventually? Where is the end? Everything catches up to you. Stuff piles up, problems pile up, and stress piles up. I was neglecting myself so engrossed in the end result. I was so busy focused on the finish line, I didn’t even look down to see that my shoelaces were untied. I was slowly chipping away at my own sanity because I was looking for this magical pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. LOL. Sis, imagine driving that car, you know which one I’m talking about, that point A to point B car. The engine light is on, brakes barely holding on, as soon as you change one headlight, the other one goes out, tail lights stay off, when you press the horn the windshield wipers activate, and you stay with quarters in the car because you can guarantee that you will have to stop and put air in the tires at some point during the day. Its me, sis, EYE was that car. Just broke af. But it didn’t matter because I was still getting from point A to point B. But anyone who has ever had an A to B car KNOWS, that eventually you come to a point where you have to decide whether you’re going to continue spending more money on a car than its worth, or upgrade to the whip that you deserve. But upgrading to that whip comes with sacrifices of its own. A new car means a new car note and more expensive car insurance. But ultimately, it’s so worth it. Because not only can you stop the constant maintenance, let’s be honest, you look so much better than you did in that hoopty, ok? But still, I was determined to make it work in my A to B car, because at the end of the day I convinced myself that I didn’t have the time, money, or resources to get a new car. Besides, it was all good because “I knew my car!” So I was riding down the street, very carefully, as to not shake up my jalopy too much. Girl…I hit a pot hole. All the lights came on on my dash, car started shaking, and I knew I had to pull over or else I would definitely be in trouble. Anyways, where did that pot hole come from? I know these streets, every bump and dip, and I know how to maneuver them as to not get hurt-…I mean, as to not damage my hoopty.
For me, a new car was literally a life or death situation. My little Geo Metro was about to blow up. Needless to say, I got the new car. Am I completely financially ready for the new car, not exactly…but girl, I was NOT about to die in the hoopty. I’m making it work.
So while I’m cruising in my new car, I’ve decided to take a new approach to life and the crap that is bound to come with it. I’m still looking at the bigger picture, but I’m also taking a closer look at the SMALLER PICTURE. I will take better care of this car so I won’t have to deal with bigger problems later on. I won’t push my car past the mileage amount suggested to get an oil change (don’t judge, we’ve all done it lol). I will focus on the day to day versus the end result. I will focus on what I can accomplish in a day, in a week, maybe in a month, but the verdict is still out on planning THAT far ahead lol. But wherever my focus is, I won’t ever lose sight of myself in that picture. I can’t ever reach my goal, whatever that goal may be, if my shoes are untied.